To See Her Waste Away

A fallen veil, a twisted soul,
Given love is not enough,
The girl I’ve loved has fallen down,
The girl I love with veins of rot.

We met so very long ago in a different time and world
We lived and laughed and loved and married,
And for me that was enough.

But behind the veil and the shadowed eyes,
A demon woke within my bride.
It screamed in agony and in rage,
And let loose it’s hate in a firestorm blaze.

For months and days, minutes and hours,
I could not see the truth,
Of the pain behind her eyes that cried
For me to come and save her.

A smoking pipe, a rusted needle,
A pain in her arm that she must feel,
And every day she chose to forget
The life we had forged together.

Soon the pin-prick traces she could not hide,
Nor the anguish etched beneath her eyes.
They came to my notice and slapped me with shame,
For not understanding the depth of her pain.

Again the time passed as if in a dream,
As we fought a fight she wouldn’t let herself win.
Two steps forward and three steps back,
When she passed on redemption for her promised next fix.

How can you fathom the fear in my heart,
While I watched my love begin to fade?
Her lighted eyes turned dark with death, her sunfire hair to dim,
My one true love, my only love, as she chose evil over Him.

Can you blame a chemical?
Can you blame a flame?
For tearing my heart assunder,
For ripping my love away.

Is her fall a fault of mine?
Does the blame truly lie with me?
Should I have held her closer?
Could I have shown what my love could bring?

They are answers to questions I will never know,
But the images of my love will never leave my mind,
As her skin withered and her lips chapped,
Her life and soul dying, with every shallow breath.

I loved her and I loathed her,
For choosing an addiction over me.
As I wished she could have seen,
That our life, our love, our solemn vows,
Was enough to set her free.

Now I stand at her headstone- in the darkness of the night,
And I try to call back memories of when all in life was right.
But even now her face will haunt me, the gauntness overwhelming,
While I once more try to assign the blame- of who would steal her from me.

I try to tell myself a lie and make myself content,
But in the end I know the truth that she and I had failed.
She chose her lies over the promise of Faith,
And I myself- too blind to see- the guiding light above me.

Could I have made her see the truth,
If I put my faith in something more?
Could she have fought the demon back,
Had she thought to turn to God?

Answers and questions I’ll never know, this land of rotted veins,
Tearing our hearts and searing our minds as it steals all our meaning.
A life gone wrong, an addiction written song, Our faith was lost in the wind,
Only now do I see, in the presence of Thee,
That your love could have made life matter.

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~ by writingtorepressinsanity on December 2, 2009.